How to Tell If Communication Has Halted in Your Marriage
Most people understand the importance of communication in a marriage. It’s necessary to feel a close connection, maintain intimacy, and to feel a sense of closeness to your spouse that you don’t share with others.
While no relationship is perfect, many couples strive to prioritize communication, even when they’re struggling.
However, it’s not uncommon for communication to halt in relationships, or for issues to develop over time that you might not even realize until they begin to cause problems.
Recognizing the signs of halted communication can help you and your spouse work through those issues and start communicating in healthier, more effective ways. Let’s take a look at how you can tell if communication has halted.
Your Conversations Are Surface Levels
You might think you and your spouse are communicating effectively when you talk every day.
However, consider what your conversations are about.
Do you speak to your spouse the same way you talk to co-workers or acquaintances? Do you talk about your days, what’s going on in the news, or simply make polite chit-chat whenever you’re around each other?
Do you and your spouse have conversations about God and faith? Do you pray together? Do you share with each other what the Lord is doing in your life, marriage, and family?
If your conversations never go deeper, you’re not connecting the way you should, and it’s a sign that real, effective communication has come to a stop in your relationship.
One Person Talks, One Person Listens
Communication is a two-way street. Listening is just as important as speaking.
So, if either you or your spouse regularly “takes over” when it comes to talking, it’s an issue. It doesn’t matter what the subject is, both people need to contribute to the conversation. If you feel like you’re not being heard or your words don’t have value to your partner, it’s not healthy communication.
You Argue More Than You Talk
Disagreements can actually be healthy in relationships. When you choose to argue the “right way,” you can work through problems together and come out stronger as a couple.
However, when disagreements have taken over your relationship and you find yourself arguing more than anything else, it’s a sign that you’re not communicating effectively.
Arguments typically happen when there’s a miscommunication or misunderstanding. They can often be avoided by having a healthy, meaningful conversation. When you’re avoiding those conversations, it’s more likely that the number of arguments you have in an average week will start to increase. That’s exhausting and can cause a lot of damage to your relationship.
Alternatively, you might feel like you’re always walking on eggshells around your partner.
Maybe you avoid hot-button topics or things you know will trigger them so you can avoid an argument.
Both issues are problematic and indicate that you’re not communicating the way you should.
You Turn to Friends and Family Over Your Spouse
There is nothing wrong turning to God and to our faith community. However, if you are not turning to your spouse for support and connection this could be a sign of a problem. Whether something bad is happening in your life, you have big news, or you’re struggling, your spouse should know.
To reiterate, if you’ve started to tell those things to friends, family members, and faith community but have avoided talking to your spouse, it’s a sign of trouble in the relationship. It could indicate a lack of trust, but it also shows that you might not know how to communicate such things effectively to the person that matters the most.
Communication issues in a marriage can be hard to get through. However, if you and your spouse are both committed to working things out, there are ways to improve communication and start reconnecting.
If you and your spouse are struggling to communicate perhaps a christian marriage intensive retreat is a good option. Feel free to contact me if you’re ready to make that commitment or if you would like a consultation to learn more. Together, we’ll focus on building communication within your relationship and strengthening your bond more than ever.
Couples from out of Arizona are welcome to attend one of our Christian marriage retreats.
Maybe a marriage intensive is not right for you. If you are looking for more traditional weekly marriage counseling for your Christian marriage or even individual counseling to learn how to better deal with your anger please visit our website for Crossroads Counseling, click here.