Rebuilding Trust: Steps to Recover from Infidelity Trauma
If infidelity has caused a breakdown in your marriage, you might feel like there’s no way to come back from it. But if you’re both willing to rebuild and you want the relationship to continue, it’s possible to rebuild trust and recover from the trauma you experienced.
Does that mean it’s easy? Absolutely not. Affair recovery is often a painful and slow process. It requires a commitment to God and to each other. It also demands honesty, accountability, vulnerability, grace, and truth for the healing process to occur. So, it’s important to decide what you truly want from your spouse, and whether you want to give your marriage another chance.
If you do, some of the following steps can help with restoring trust over time, while helping you heal from the trauma you’ve experienced due to infidelity.
Dig Deeper Into the Affair
Your spouse has to come clean about every aspect of infidelity. Making blanket statements isn’t enough, as you might assume they’re hiding more or there are certain things they don’t want to talk about.
These conversations will be uncomfortable. While you don’t need to know every detail about what they’ve done, you both need to make sure there are no more hidden actions or secrets on the table when you’re done talking about it.
It will likely take more than one conversation to learn what you can about the affair. Don’t keep bringing it up once everything has been discussed. Doing so can indicate that you’re not willing to move on. It will cause you to hold a grudge that will not only keep your spouse on the hook, but will make it impossible for you to heal and move forward.
Set Boundaries
Boundaries are important in any healthy relationship. They’re especially essential when you feel like you’ve been betrayed. Boundaries are a great way to rebuild trust, and they shouldn’t be looked at as limitations or punishments.
Those boundaries might include your spouse deleting pictures or contact information for the person they were with. It might include them giving you their social media passwords. You can also control physical intimacy boundaries by letting your spouse know that you’re not comfortable with it for a while.
The boundaries you set are specific to your needs. So, don’t hesitate to be clear and concise as you put them in place.
Practice Self-Care
Even if you want to rebuild trust in your marriage, there’s no denying the trauma you experience when you find out your spouse has been unfaithful.
So, be kind to yourself. Most importantly, don’t blame yourself. It’s easy to assume that your spouse wouldn’t have strayed if you had done something differently. There is never a reason for someone to be unfaithful.
Self-care takes many forms, so find what works for you. Make sure you’re getting enough sleep, eating healthy meals, staying active and leaning on both God and your faith community. From a mental health perspective, things like journaling, prayer, and meditation can help you process your thoughts and reduce the stress associated with infidelity.
Taking care of yourself will also make it easier to forgive. You’ll be able to let go of resentment, fear, pain, and anger. While it won’t happen overnight, self-care can clear your head more efficiently so you can put more energy into restoring your relationship.
Seek Support
Leaning on God and the support of friends, family, and your church community is a great start. Talking to your pastor for spiritual guidance and support is also helpful. However, if you’re really struggling with the effects of infidelity trauma, don’t hesitate to reach out to a Christian counselor trained to help couples heal from infidelity, The Connected Marriage intensives can help you and your spouse in the process of healing and recovery.
It can also be beneficial to attend a Christian marriage intensive or a Christian marriage retreat. Participating in a Christian marriage intensive not only shows that both you and your spouse are ready to work on restoring your marital bond, but that you’re likely ready to learn a lot about yourself, the person you’re with, and what their motivation was for straying.
Recovering from infidelity trauma is possible, and you don’t have to do it on your own. If you’re interested in learning more, please contact me for information or to set up an appointment.
Reach Out Now to Book Your Christian Marriage Intensive
If you’re not able to talk to your pastor or you want some extra help, consider working with a Christian counselor or a Christian therapist who shares your beliefs.
Sometimes, it can help to have an outside perspective on situations that have harmed your marriage. The right therapist will have both the experience, skills, and spiritual knowledge to help you and your spouse reconnect while honoring God and keeping Him as the main focus of your relationship.
If you’re trying to rebuild trust in your marriage, don’t feel like you have to deal with that weight on your own. Contact us by calling 623-680-3486, texting 623-688-5115, or emailing info@crossroadsfcc.com and mention your interest in a Christian marriage intensive.
Couples from out of Arizona are welcome to attend one of our Christian marriage retreats or Christian marriage intensives.
Maybe a marriage intensive is not right for you. If you are looking for more traditional weekly marriage counseling for your Christian marriage or even individual counseling to learn how to better deal with infidelity trauma in please visit our website for Crossroads Counseling, click here. Weekly counseling sessions are available for those who live in Arizona. We have locations in Scottsdale, Phoenix, and online or virtual therapy is available throughout the state of Arizona.
To learn more about Christian Affair Recovery Experts (C.A.R.E.) click here.