Why It’s Important to Continue Dating Your Spouse After Marriage

There are plenty of stereotypes and tropes about losing the “spark” in your relationship after getting married.

But, there’s nothing funny about feeling like you’ve become more like roommates with your spouse than romantic partners.

Part of that is perfectly normal. Life happens, schedules are busy, kids come first, and it’s easy to prioritize everything else while feeling comfortable and confident that your relationship is fine.

But, by not including your marriage in that list of priorities, you could be setting yourself up for communication issues, and a lack of connection.

The solution? Continue dating your spouse even after marriage.

The Importance of Dating

Think about how you felt when you first started dating your current spouse. Chances are, you had the stereotypical “butterflies” and got excited every time you were going to go out.

The dating phase in a relationship offers a chance for people to learn about each other. Your focus was probably solely on that person in that moment, rather than anything else going on around you.

In marriage, it’s easy to lose that focus. Even when you’re spending a night watching TV with your spouse, you might be scrolling on your phone or working on your computer—not fully present.

Dating is important for building a strong foundation. Dating your spouse after marriage is important for maintaining that foundation.

Life gets so busy and distracting that it’s easy to lose focus on your relationship. That doesn’t necessarily mean things are “doomed” or even that there are problems in your marriage. But, as with anything else you care about, it has to be nurtured and taken care of to remain healthy.

How to Date After Marriage

The most important aspect of dating your spouse is focusing on each other.

That can be hard to do in today’s busy world, which makes setting aside time for dating even more important.

Even if you literally have to write down a weekly date night in your schedule, do it. It will show your spouse that they are your priority, and you’re going to keep your commitment no matter what.

Your date nights don’t have to be extravagant. Consider some of the things you liked to do in the early stages of your relationship and relive them. Or, create a date night at home with dinner and a movie after the kids go to bed. As long as you make time to talk, show affection, and let yourself feel reconnected, what you do and where you go doesn’t matter.

Tips to Keep in Mind

There’s no right or wrong way to date your spouse. But, there are a few things you should keep in mind on your dates to get the most out of them.

First, stay off your phone.

The goal of dating your spouse is to eliminate distractions and focus on your relationship. Show your spouse that you’re really listening and that they are your priority by giving them your full attention.

Second, consider making your date nights special.

Even if you’re staying in, don’t show up in your pajamas or sweats. Dress up a bit and put some effort into your appearance. It’s a small gesture, but it will help to set the tone no matter what you decide to do.

Finally, make communication an important part of every date. Set aside time to talk and practice active listening in every conversation. Communication builds intimacy and will strengthen trust and vulnerability within your marriage.

Life will always try to get in the way, and schedules will always be busy. By prioritizing dating your spouse, you’ll maintain a strong relationship with your spouse, and you’ll have a lot of fun doing it.

It’s important to know that having a regular date night with your spouse is not enough to revive a marriage that is struggling.  If your marriage has lost emotional, spiritual, and physical intimacy date night can actually be more painful than helpful  Date night can be like shining a light and exposing issues in the marriage that need time and attention.  There are times when these issues can only be addressed with the help of a Christian marriage counselor.

The Connected Marriage intensives are designed to not help couples who are in crisis with an event such as an affair, but it is also designed to help couples who have experienced a loss of meaningful connection and intimacy.  Couples that feel more like roommates rather than soulmates.  Couples for whom date night is not enough to reignite the passion that was once burning brightly.

If this is you and your marriage please consider reaching out to us for help.  We offer a 20 minute consultation for you and your spouse to discuss your specific relationship to see if one of our marriage intensives or private retreats is the time and attention your marriage is in need of.

Contact us by calling 623-680-3486, texting 623-688-5115, or emailing info@crossroadsfcc.com and mention your interest in a Christian marriage intensive.

Our offices throughout the Valley of the Sun including Phoenix, Anthem, Biltmore, Paradise Valley, and Scottsdale.

Couples from out of Arizona are welcome to attend one of our intensives.

If an intensive is not the right fit for you but you still desire marriage counseling please visit Crossroads Counseling by clicking here.